Jumaat, Jun 25, 2010

Salam everybody.

Seems like a week I haven't written anything on my diary.

Well, happy news guys!

I've successfully finished my work placement at Rushey Mead School.

What a massive experience I could say. It IS my FIRST work experience ever!

But, to be honest, yeah, well, I can't lie to myself though, after 3 weeks at school, I've just realized that teaching is not really actually for me.

Hmm...I don't know.

It's not really about confidence that does matter but there is something that bother me.

Maybe I could not stand with the students' behaviour. Well, they were nice somehow, but, not for all the times.

What I could say here is whoever in this world who chosed to be a teacher, she/he must be a very very optimistic, tough and patient person.

Coz it's not that easy to deal with young people you!!

Really need to keep the heart open, to be always ready with the constructive comments, to be under control (well, obviously need to control yourself first before you can control the students and sometimes it can be beyond the limit though) and need to have the right body language and the right voice toner at the right time.

D'ya know what I mean?

Like, you need to keep the class under control which you want to make sure all the students get what you say. And so, you need all sort of skills to manage that. Teacher is just like a skills practitioner. Once you've gained those skills, then you should be alright.

But skills don't come in a bundle. You need to gain that from loads of experiences. Keep gaining and practicing, really.

Hmm...So, what I actually like to do?

Well...haven't made up my mind yet....

But I've got a list of suggestions to myself of what I might like to do in the future.

Let me keep them to myself first and let see whether I'll make a right decision.

But, yeah, I think I want to try to teach at Malaysia, you know like just to find out the chemistry between me and teaching stuffs.

I hope, if I got that chance (to teach in Malaysia this summer), I would be able to decide whether teaching is for me or not.

Obviously we want to do something that we like to do,isn't it?

But at the same time cannot be too picky!!

World doesn't always turn like what you want though.

So,yeah...thanks to all of the staff members at Rushey Mead. Nice to know you guys.

Very professional people, committed, positive and easy-going I must say.

I'll try to absorb the positive values from you guys and practice those things in my own life.

Thanks.... Despite all the pressure that I felt,I will say that I would never regret doing this work placement.

At least, I gave a try.

At least, I'd challenged myself.

At least, I did that!

It was not that bad though.

I was paid 600 pounds for that. Hmm..What a massive payment after all. =P

Hmm..Right, see you later guys...Love you...Will gonna miss Rushey Mead School and the staffs there...

p/s: Thanks for the farewell card! It's sooooo nice and I'm so touched =)

Sabtu, Jun 12, 2010


Hi everybody...
I hope you guys happy today.

I had finished my first week at Rushey Mead School playing a role as a teacher assistant and sometimes a researcher at that school.

I am so fascinated by the atmosphere at my work place.
It IS so positive, friendly, supportive, creative, and what else can say?
I just loved it!=)

The first and second day were a bit horror for me coz I just didn't really get into them.

You know like, they got many type of accents. I could understand some, but sometimes I just like "mmm..hmmmm" when I don't get what they're saying! Hahhaha....

Well, the third day, I still quite depended on my school mentor, who is Mr.Matt Stopp. Huhu...So lucky coz he's quite a supportive and understanding person. He just treated me like a new member there. So, he did give me some ideas of how I can get my direction in these two weeks here.

He did supply me with the info like, what do I really need to do, am I comfortable with the time-table, do I need to add more classes in my time-table or am I fine with that and so on. After all, he's just a nice person.

Plus I did discover something new there. Something that made me reflected on myself much.
Like I really find that I do have a lot, a lot, a lot of weaknesses in myself. If I could list here, I would list these...;

*I'm quite a "neediness" person.
*I'm not really independent, I think.
*I have a difficulty in communicating profesionally with the people who are older than me.
*I am a bit "me, me" person.Selfish in other words.
*I'm lack of sense of humor.
*I'm not really good in time management and not really organized.
*I also did recognized that I don't really know how to describe myself.

After a week at school, I think, I did change a bit. Like, I'm trying to become more responsible, more proactive and more polite in a way of treating other people.

You know like, sometimes it's quite easy to say you're like this and like that, but when you need to get across to someone else, like in the classroom, or in work place, you need to prove yourself that you have such the abilities.

I agree that it is not easy to do but we better try to gain that. You know, maybe it will cost pain to you at the beginning, but it's worth to try anyways!

Better be beaten by trying than winning by lying, isn't it?

Often, you cannot go further if you just stop and static.

You need to move on.

You need to taste the other side of environment in order to add some values to yourself.

Sometimes, people will talk behind you. They will laugh at you. They will judge you.

But as long as you're alive, then anything that people say about you is not a big deal no more.

You just need to be brave to step ahead in your life. Make an improvement. Think big. Ready to face any challenge in front.

Well, sometimes, you can just face all that by putting a smile on your face and just be empathy to the other people.

Hmmm.....so much things that I did reflect, I think. Thank you Allah. I hope this will not make me far from YOU.....

I hope Allah will always guide me in every step in my life. I hope Allah will always be there to help me....

Hmmm....just be more .......



Sabtu, Jun 05, 2010


Hello to all my family and friends....

How do you do now?

Are you doing fine?

Well, I hope you guys did great coz I was not really good along this week.

And I do hope that I will function well again as soon as possible because my new work is waiting for me and it's really really just around the corner and I do need to behave like 22-year-old-girl and be able to handle my routine appropriately.

Sometimes, I was confused. I did not know what happened to me and it was just happen. I did not know whether it was because of the old story or it was just me.

And when it happens, I just think like I want to get a supernanny to handle me and guide me and supply me with such a motivation and give the right method for me to carry on with my life.

I know it is not good to tell much about myself but consider that this is my diary, then I think it is OK to write anything that I feel here. It is my place to figure out what is spinning and revolving around my head right now and a space to help me to make things clearer and smoother to myself.

.::::Now, I'm trying to bring chaos to the order::::...

Life is not just about a dream. Life is all about the spirit and character. Life is a battle and it is not a gamble. We live our lives with love. We carry on our life with the other people by exchanging some phrases of appreciations and that was the thing that I always always failed to do.

It is somehow easy to write and to read the theories rather than imply those theories themselves into our life.

It needs a so-called little sacrifice to make ourselves be more approachable and more reachable to the people around us. And that sacrifice always puts me in pain. I do not know how I could be more available to the people without sacrifice my own nature.

Or...maybe I am a bit selfish.

Well..perhaps..BUT... On my defense, sometimes, you will feel tiring of giving. Now you feel like receiving. You don't want to give too much anymore. You just feel like it is time for you to have your own time, to treat your own self, to ignore anything and everything that is happening around you.

You just need some time to find yourself back and you just need to be alone to deal with it.

And when it comes to this point, I am not sure whether this is what I really want. Or is this really the way that I need to behave? Or is this the right thing that I am thinking about?

And, when I'm not so sure, then the things start to turn upside down.

I'll get so upset and frustrated coz I feel like no one hears me, no one understands me and I just feel like the big force exerted on my head and because of that incredible force, the bad feeling just sink deeply into myself and then I became more frustrated.

Hmm...without knowing how to deal with this kind of stress, I became more stressful.

So what I did was trying to think of something that makes me happy and trying to do some shopping and be with the people that I love to be with.

It kind of works sometimes but not most of the times.

So what do I need to do??

Well maybe I need to train myself to be more supportive to the other people without sacrifice too much from my side.

Or maybe I need to go back to basic.

So, what is the basic then? Allah, of course.

Well, I'll work for it in order to make myself feel good and better.And move from better to outstanding.

Believing that I'm not dealing this alone but with Allah does help me much.

Ok, it's a late night now. Better get enough sleep and ready for tomorrow. Hmm...night peers....Salam....

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